things that are dumb

Let's play $100,000 pyramid in reverse. You know the categories. Here are the clues:

• Clear strap bras. Just because the strap is made of clear plastic, it doesn't mean I can't still see it! I saw a girl in a tube top wearing one of these. I can see the straps! What is the point of a saran wrap bra? Good lord. I bought one of these once, a long time ago. To wear under tank tops. I quickly realized it looked worse than just showing a normal bra strap. Stop the madness!

• Cell phone ring tones that sound like animals. Among others, my cell phone has options for "bird" and "cat." At work the other day a woman's cell phone started barking. Actually, I hate ALL ring tones. I keep my phone on vibrate because there is no good option for a cell phone ring.

• Chalkboard and chalk. I started teaching another class for BehemothTestCompanyInc. During the last course, I taught in a room with a big beautiful white board and colorful dry erase markers. This time, I am in a shoddy classroom with old blackboards. And white chalk. Since I think colors are really important for visual stimulation, I went out and bought colored chalk to use in my lessons. Monday was my first class. It went well. Except for the WHITE DUST CLOUD that settled on my hair, my sweater, my black pants and my backpack. I looked like I had jumped into a bin of flour and was about to be deep fried. Oh, and chalk? As difficult to get out of clothing as deodorant marks (ya'll know what I'm talking about).

• People who do not crowd into subway cars. I've noticed that in Boston, the middle of the subway cars are conspicuously spacious. During rush hour, nobody crams into the middle. People huddle near the doors. So when the train comes to your station, you cannot board. Even though there would be enough room if people smushed into the middle. This would not fly in NYC. People would push you until you are basically sitting in someone's lap. But in Boston? Noooo. It's civilized here. We would never force someone into the middle of the subway car. You'll just have to wait for the next train, sucka.