for dummies

Yesterday, as I sat on the T in Boston, I engaged in my daily indulgence of people watching. And humanity did not fail to keep me entertained.

A man got on the train, sat down, and pulled a yellow book out of his bag. I recognized it immediately as a book for "Dummies." Ya'll know what I'm talking about. And I couldn't stop staring at his book. Islam for Dummies. The title seemed so surreal. Islam for Dummies? I'm not sure if this is the vision of proselytization that the religion's founders had in mind. I think it's great that this man was curious about Islam, but I wonder if there were more appropriate books that could have introduced him to the tenets of the faith. But the Dummies books are user-friendly, so I can understand his desire to go for the gold. Cliffs Notes for Adults.

The Dummies series fascinates me. Learn about any topic you could ever imagine in plain English. Teach yourself a little something about wine and then JavaScript over the course of a lazy Sunday afternoon. I have to admit that the title is pretty snazzy as well. Just because you're a Dummy, it doesn't mean you are dumb!

In the beginning, they made perfect sense. The books were geared towards computer programs. No need to plow through manuals filled with technical jargon - just buy a book for Dummies and figure out how to hook up your speakers to your computer. But the format became so popular that the Dummies series expanded to every category of self learning. So powerful was the Dummy force, in fact, that a competitor with a similar theme and heretofore assumed insulting name broke in to the market. Hence the Idiot's Guide.

What's next? "The Dumbasses' Guide to Smoking Pot and Playing X-Box?"

I decided to do a little investigative reporting. Amazon has 34,744 items listed when you search "for dummies." I got a bit lazy and didn't check if all of them are actually Dummies books. But I wouldn't be surprised. I then went to the Dummies website, in an effort to see if I could get a final count on Dummies books in print. Unfortunately it is organized by category, and I didn't feel like manually counting the individual listings. The Dummies website is not for Dummies (brace yourself, there will be many more of those to come.)

Anyway, to cut to the chase, I decided to list my top ten favorite titles that I encountered in my Dummies Safari, along with commentary. Drumroll please ...

10) Online Dating for Dummies
This is why I will never join Match.com, no matter how single or lonely I am.

9) Homebrewing for Dummies
Please check for this guide lurking in college dorm rooms the next time you go to a keg party.

8) Pressure Cookers for Dummies
This one should come with an insurance policy.

7) Beekeeping for Dummies
As should this one.

6) Haircutting for Dummies
I have been to a stylist or two where this must have been their course textbook.

5) Etiquette for Dummies
If you're reading this book, I think you need a little more help than etiquette.

4) Chihuahuas for Dummies
For people who really liked those Taco Bell commercials.

3) Depression for Dummies
Depression is a serious medical condition. Besides, calling a depressed person a Dummy sure isn't going to cheer him up.

2) Raising Smart Kids for Dummies
If you're a Dummy, you probably need all the help you can get.

And my favorite for Dummies book yet ...

1) AD/HD for Dummies
Really? What, is each chapter like 10 words long?