Most of the time, I am completely fine with being single. I enjoy my freedom and the ability to go out and meet a variety of people. But there are some periods when, no matter how hard you try to fight it, you feel profoundly alone.
I place long weekends into that category. Long weekends are meant for travel and shopping and long lunches and cat naps. And they are so much more fun when you have someone with whom to share those experiences.
I'm not depressed or psycho lonely; all I'm saying is that when you are given the gift of a Monday with no work and no responsibilities, it sure would be nice to have a boyfriend to accompany me to a museum. You know?
I have lots of friends and family; I could have easily gone home and spent time with my parents. But alone time is important too. Hard, but important.
Actually, it wasn't so much today as Friday when I acutely felt the lack of a significant other. I had a rather stressful presentation to make Friday morning, which I found out about Thursday night. My boss was freaking out. I remained calm, practiced the presentation a few times and made sure not to wear a button down shirt on Friday lest I reveal my excessive nervousness through perspiration.
The presentation went really well and I received great feedback. It was one of those times you wish you could call a boyfriend and squeal and have someone congratulate you. But I couldn't.
I did call my Dad, who was really excited. Still, it's different.
Now, it's Monday. And I am listening to jazz on the radio. I took a nice long shower and did my hair and makeup and look very trendy. With nowhere to go. I think I will take my book and go to Starbucks and read for a while.
I know these are the times that make me strong, independent, and resilient. But oh, are they hard.
3 comments:
you know there was this period of 2 years right before i met Saji, where i was single, and i totally relate to everything you wrote here. but then after getting into a relationship, sometimes i'll look back nostalgically on my single days. i think the grass is always greener on the other side.
i know what you mean about alone time being very important. if you can't enjoy your own company or can't stand being by yourself, it can present some issues. maybe it's b/c i'm still so independent of my relationship now, but i still go to museums and movies by myself. i sometimes feel like a dork for doing so, but it's amazing how much more you notice/experience by yourself. mostly i think this is a time of endless possibilities for you. the excitement of meeting someone fabulous when youre strolling thru a musuem or at starbuck's reading. is exciting. and even if that daydream seems farfetched at times, like when some loser vs.hottie is hitting on you, remember you can always call up a good girlfriend and they will gladly accompany you! some of the best dinner/musuem dates i've had were with my girlfriends:)
I know exactly how you feel....
good point about long weekends being when you seem to notice it the most. the other time would be on those days when you just feel like staying in (which for me is a lot with the inertia i possess); company from someone who is more than friend would be nice from time to time. but don't fret--things always work out for the best. and in the meantime, not being in a relationship means not having to deal with relationship drama! although that's a risk people (including myself) would be more than willing to deal with :-)
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